Based on 2 Samuel 18:5-19

Hello, my Virtuous Sisters, I am inspired this morning to share with you more Christian Counseling Mental Health Tips for navigating unhealthy entanglements. It is no shame to find yourself in an unhealthy relationship. The Scriptures are filled with many examples, like the story I want to share with you from David’s life in 2 Samuel 18.

Unfortunately, we can all identify with being trapped in toxicity without knowing how to release ourselves. Toxic relationships can develop man-to-woman, friend-to-friend, and parent-to-child. What is the proper approach when finding ourselves in these situations? The first lesson to take from David’s life is not to take the route of passivity. Because David failed to set strong boundaries in response to his son Absalom’s rebellion, he nearly lost his kingdom and Absalom lost his life. What a horrific tragedy that could have been avoided had David taken the proper approach in this situation.

Good relationships require good boundaries.

Good Boundaries and Goodbyes, Lysa Terkeurst

Setting boundaries

As a therapist, I am committed to teaching boundaries. In the Christian realm, boundaries are considered negative or even ungodly. But Psalm 101:7, God, Himself, set boundaries: “No one who practices deceit will dwell in my house; no one who speaks falsely will stand in my presence.” Clearly, we see God is determining who dwells in his house and who can stand in His presence, and the boundary is set against those who practice deceit and speaks falsely. If boundaries are good enough for God, then they are good enough for us. I can tell you had I not set a boundary of marital separation when I did, I would not be writing to you today. You may find it necessary to remove yourself from the destructiveness of your relationship long enough to gain perspective and clarity. Don’t let fear of what others think or the need to avoid conflict keep you from setting boundaries. They are necessary, healthy, and yes, even godly.

You may find it necessary to remove yourself from the destructiveness of your relationship long enough to gain perspective and clarity.

Author, Phyllis McColister

In addition to setting good boundaries, character inspection is required. The character of Absalom is one to study. As we deal with people who frequently enter our lives, we must become comfortable with the critiquing of character. If you have some time later today I will encourage you to read the entire story from 2 Samuel 18. There you will find that Absalom had a particular charm that he used to manipulate and control the mind and hearts of the people of Israel. It is this very charm that traps many of us in toxic relationships. Manipulation and control tactics are the barbed wires that can confine us as defenseless prey. Fear of losing the relationship keeps us locked up and locked away from good godly wisdom to free ourselves. Fear of giving up when it is clear we should let go prolongs our jail sentence. How can we free ourselves? How do we release the fear and stand firm at the same time?

The answer to these questions can be found in the soon-to-be-released book entitled “The End of Forever” where Yours Truly outlines my journey into reality in Chapter 3. We must be willing to let go of toxicity even if it means losing the unhealthy attachment formed out of fear that feels so much like love.

Yes, ladies, harsh and toxic circumstances may lead to separating from our man but never our God.

The End of Forever, Phyllis McColister

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