RELYING UPON THE UNRELIABLE

Putting confidence in an unreliable person in times of trouble is like chewing with a broken tooth or walking on a lame foot. Proverbs 25:19 (NLT)

If you have been following the Virtuous Sisters Blog for any length of time, you are aware of my mission to provide Christian Mental Health Tips to woman. The Blog is intended to encourage, educate and empower divorced and separated women to find restoration and healing in Christ, realizing their intrinsic value to His Kingdom.

Today is no different. I would like to speak with you today about biblical understanding of unhealthy relationships. The Bible is packed with examples, guidance and direction on identifying unhealthy people and instructions on ways to deal with them.

Before we begin, let me make it clear that we will not be labeling people or judging harshly. We will not be discussing inherent problems included in all relationships. Afterall, people relating to people will involve natural discord, conflict and misunderstandings. There will be occasional times of brokenness and hurt feelings by both partners in a relationship.

Today’s Blog is designed to empower women with knowledge and discernment to identify unhealthy patterns in relationships with unhealthy people. Notice I used the word, “pattern”. Again we are not placing all relationships into one category and discarding people. But, we are admonished by Scripture to be fruit inspectors (Matthew 7:20 – read this in your spare time).

Putting confidence in an unreliable person in times of trouble is like chewing with a broken tooth or walking on a lame foot.

Proverbs 25:19 (NLT)

One year returning from a vacation trip spent with my daughter and son-in-law, I fell at the airport and fractured my foot. Despite the excrutiating pain, I tried walking on my lame foot. It was impossible. The airport security had to call for a wheelchair and wheel me out of the airport. Likewise, I do not know if you have ever had the experience of a broken tooth. Imagine the pain of trying to chew on it. Scripture says this is what it is like when we rely upon unreliable people in our lives.

I will point to only #3 of such passages of Scripture to help us identify unhealthy patterns of unreliable people to give some guidance as to what to do. The first one encourages making the right choice. We must learn to discern and chose wisely.

¹² A worthless person, a wicked man,
Walks with a perverse mouth;
¹³ He winks with his eyes,
He shuffles his feet,
He points with his fingers;
¹⁴ Perversity is in his heart,
He devises evil continually,
He sows discord.
¹⁵ Therefore his calamity shall come suddenly;
Suddenly he shall be broken without remedy.

Proverbs 6:12-15

The second Scripture will indicate what happens when things go wrong in relationships. Because this is inevitable as long as we live on this side of eternity. In these cases, you should feel safe enough in your relationship to share your thoughts and emotions and expect to be heard.

⁷ “He who corrects a scoffer gets shame for himself,
And he who rebukes a wicked man only harms himself.
⁸ Do not correct a scoffer, lest he hate you;
Rebuke a wise man, and he will love you.
⁹ Give instruction to a wise man, and he will be still wiser;
Teach a just man, and he will increase in learning.

Proverbs 9:7-9 (NKJV)

The third Scripture illutrates the boundary set by God, Himself, in Psalm 101:7 that advises what to do when you find yourself in unhealthy relationships and you have identified a pattern of unsafe interactions.

As a therapist, I am committed to teaching boundaries. In the Christian realm, boundaries are considered negative or even ungodly. But, Psalm 101:7, God, Himself, set boundaries: “No one who practices deceit will dwell in my house; no one who speaks falsely will stand in my presence.” Clearly, we see God is determining who dwells in his house and who can stand in His presence, and the boundary is set against those who practice deceit and speaks falsely. If boundaries are good enough for God, then they are good enough for us. The first order of recovery for me included setting a boundary of marital separation to begin the healing process in my life. Please My Virtuous Sisters do not shame yourself should you find it necessary to remove yourself from the destructiveness of your relationship long enough to gain perspective, clarity and healing.

The End of Forever, Phyllis McColister

Final word

Scripture points to where to take your crushed spirit for guidance. Proverbs 18:14 says, “Who can bear a crushed spirit?” Psalm 32:8 says, “I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go; I will guide you with My eye.” My Virtuous Sisters, let God lead you as you pray for wisdom and discernment in your situation.

³ Let not mercy and truth forsake you;
Bind them around your neck,
Write them on the tablet of your heart,
⁴ And so find favor and high esteem
In the sight of God and man.

Proverbs 3:3-4 (NKJV)

Excerpts taken from “The End of Forever” – a book written by Phyllis McColister to encourage, educate and empower divorced and separated women to find restoration and healing in Christ, realizing their intrinsic value to His Kingdom.   Coming Soon!!!!

Visit again for more Christian Mental Health tips. Until then, remember your worth is far above rubies and learn to laugh without fear of the future (Proverbs 31:25).

You may contact the author at www.healingwaters-counseling.com