A few blogs back I shared a lesson from the birds in my backyard. Well today the Lord instructed me again using the birds. There’s a very Important decision I need to make. One that must be made by faith.

While contemplating this decision and talking it over with Jesus, He brought my attention to the birds flying in-and-out of my backyard. Some where flying high and some low. And I distinctively had the sense that the Lord was showing me I am as free as a bird to make the decision that I was currently contemplating. He went even further and shared these words “You must spread your wings in order to fly.”

While this decision involves my business, I am sure it is good advice concerning destructive relationships and marriages. Sometimes the difficult part of a difficult marriage is making the difficult decision to separate. It is never a decision to be taken lightly, especially for women of God. But, there are times when we must understand Galatians 5:1 where Jesus clearly tells us — it is for freedom that we have been set free and we must not seek to entangle ourselves again in bondage of sin.

My chief concern in writing this blog as well as the book entitled “The End of Forever” is the ungodly advice given to women to remain in bondage to unhealthy relationships. No two fingerprints are the same, so it is with marriages. No two marriages are the same. There should be discernment between a healthy marriage and an unhealthy one so that the same cookie-cutter advice is not offered to all married couples.

There are no cookie-cutter marriages, so then how can there be
cookie-cutter responses to all marriage problems? You cannot take the
same paintbrush to color all marriages.

Phyllis McColister

In Chapter 6, I shared my brokenhearted concern for the
lack of spiritual support and comfort from the church to minister the
love of Christ to broken families of divorce and separation. This is
not from a position of harsh judgment but heartfelt pain from personal
experience. I recognize it to be the plan of the enemy and not
purposeful pain from others.

One of the gravest mistakes one can make
in life is to permit oneself to be controlled by
Satan through the device of a spouse who has
yielded themselves into the hands of Satan and
the marriage has become a snare of Satan to render
one unfitted for the kingdom. The marriage
vow that binds the husband to the wife must
remain unbroken, but he [she] has also vowed to
his (her) Lord, to love Him with the whole heart,
the undivided affection.

Letter 34m 1890. TSB 77.1 – Ellen G. White

Beware of all of the plans of the enemy. Many are used by him to keep your heart divided. We can become some engrossed in the pain we are experiencing that we lose sight of the purpose of our lives. Oppression and abuse (of any kind) is not acceptable to God. Ladies, we must be able to discern a marriage that requires help with a partner willing to accept his responsibility and work toward resolution. We must also be able to discern evil or sinful hearts that refuse to accept responsibility and further yet dump it upon you. We, in the clinical field, call this projection and you are unable to work things out with someone who is satisfied with projecting their sin/problems/issues upon another. Situations such as this, require Christian counseling and spiritually mature advisors.

I was gifted to speak with two pastors within the past few weeks who shared their understanding of the distinction between healthy and unhealthy marriages. Both of them, confirmed the need to appropriately apply the word of God in unhealthy relationships. I was blessed to hear this and pray for more spiritually discerning Pastors, leaders and elders in churches so as not to double abuse its members with unintentional harmful advice.

Live wholeheartedly for Jesus as a protective measure against the snares of Stan.

Phyllis McColister, Author of The End of Forever

Excerpts taken from “The End of Forever” – a book written by Phyllis McColister to encourage, educate and empower divorced and separated women to find restoration and healing in Christ, realizing their intrinsic value to His Kingdom.   Coming Soon!!!!

Visit again for more Christian Mental Health tips. Until then, remember your worth is far above rubies and learn to laugh without fear of the future (Proverbs 31:25).

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