As you are all aware, I have been sharing excerpts from the book “The End of Forever” which is scheduled to be released by the end of 2022.  This book was written to encourage, educate and empower women from broken relationships to find restoration and healing in Christ.

I found it difficult to shake the shame of my diligent efforts to maintain my marriage to no avail. I wished him to change. I willed him to change. I prayed for his change. I exhausted myself with his change that never seemed to preface the horizon. “Every glimmer of change” came with such flickering hope. My heart was broken. My fairy tale did not include the knight in shining armor but instead, I ended up having to armor myself with a necessary separation.

Through years of personal counseling and professional training as a therapist, I knew that I entered the marriage with a healthy sense of self and purpose. However, the mortification of another broken marriage was too much to bear. There were many instances where I had to sort through the lies, secrecy, and deception that were becoming a mainstay in my current marriage. Because of this, the enemy had a foothold to zap my strength and leave me on unstable ground. I needed to pull away long enough to allow the Holy Spirit access to my heart and mind for healing and restoration. A necessary separation. The purpose of separation is not only for healing of the wounded but also in hopes of waking the unrepentant spouse to the destructiveness of his/her ways. This became my daily prayer.

Taken from Chapter 5:

Phyllis McColister, Author

Although I prayed daily, I was haunted by the question: Is separation good or bad?
This question came with a host of other questions, such as: When is it necessary to separate? Are there healing benefits to separation?

I found guidance in the Word of God.  There were many instances of difficult separation among God’s people who found themselves in perpetually unwanted circumstances.

1.  The very first family experienced separation of the first born child after the murder of his brother.  This was a necessary separation.  Genesis 4.

2.  When we first meet Abraham, we see God separating him from his childhood family and country to set him on a course of transformation.  Genesis 12.   This too was a necessary separation mission that changed the course of history for the people of God.

3.  Due to parental conflict, we find the separation of Jacob from his family for nearly 2 decades.  This necessary separation led to the culmination of the 12 tribes of Israel.  Genesis 28.

4.  Skipping further into biblical history, we find Abigail being released from a toxic marriage.  This necessary separation led to saving her entire household and remarriage to a king.  1 Samuel 25.

Notwithstanding other necessary separations from Abraham and Lot, Mordecai and Esther and the separation of Israel from Egypt to the ultimate separation of Jesus from His Father to save you and me.   

The good news is that on all accounts, necessary separations resulted in furthering God’s plan and purpose for the salvation and transformation of His servants.

“Many are still tested as was Abraham. They do not hear the voice of God speaking directly from the heavens, but He calls them by the teachings of His word and the events of His providence. They may be required to abandon a career that promises wealth and honor, to leave congenial and profitable associations and separate from kindred, to enter upon what appears to be only a path of self-denial, hardship, and sacrifice. . . . [He] leads them to feel the need of His help, and to depend upon Him alone, that He may reveal Himself to them.”—

Patriarchs and Prophets, pgs 126, 127

Even with all of the above, I am still of the opinion that separation is never an ideal situation, but because of sin, it is sometimes necessary.  Unwanted, but necessary.  Unpleasant, but necessary. 

But God has a plan that overturns the effects of separation.  He can work in any situation to save the soul that is seeking to be restored, redeemed and revived in Him.  I pray that is you.  He did this for me and I know He loves you enough to bring you through this difficult time and you will find that you still have value to the kingdom of God.  If this were not true, you would not be reading the words of this blog or waiting to read the book, “The End of Forever”. 

Visit again for more Christian Mental Health tips. Until then, remember your worth is far above rubies and learn to laugh without fear of the future (Proverbs 31:25).


  1. Looking forward to seeing and reading. I’m sure many of us can identify with the content. God’s blessings be on you for being so transparent and sharing .


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