THE GIFT OF GOODBYE (revised)

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Hello My Virtuous Sisters:

As you are all aware, I have been sharing excerpts from the book “The End of Forever” which is scheduled to be released by the end of 2022.  This book was written to encourage, educate and empower women from broken relationships to find restoration and healing in Christ by knowing that they are still valuable to God’s Kingdom.  So, this blog is sort of a preview of what’s to come.

Today, I would like to introduce you to a few radical adjustments that I needed to make to ensure complete recovery after experiencing relationship failure.  The book outlines many healing strategies, but the one I will share today was the most difficult for me to face. 

Men who are habitually destructive refuse to reflect upon their actions or reactions; nor do they take responsibility for them. Their default mode is to blame, accuse, and attack. Everyone else is at fault for what they feel, do, or think. If your man is ever going to change his ways, the first step is he must begin to look within.

Vernick, Leslie. The Emotionally Destructive Marriage (p. 135). The Crown Publishing Group.

                “My clinical mentor spoken of in Chapter 2 explains relationships this way. He says, “there are Givers and Takers. Takers take and Givers give. The problem is that Takers have good pickers because they seem to always pick Givers. However, Givers have poor pickers evidenced by always picking Takers.” This sums up my entire relationship history. Because of this, I was forced to take a hard look at my picker and make some radical adjustments. I do not know your relationship history.  But perhaps you could benefit from some of the radical adjustments I had to make outlined below”.

  1. Know when it is time to run. Hanging on too long is when the relationship has caused you emotional, mental, and spiritual damage. Too long is when your dignity and self-respect are locked away in a closet never to see the light of day again. You will know when it has gone too far when the sad days grow darker, and the bright days grow dimmer. Sometimes, you cannot even recognize the difference between the two. However, here are some clues to help distinguish the days. Keep an eye on your thoughts (irritability, hopelessness, helplessness), emotions (sad, anxious), and body sensations (tensed, neck/back pain). All of which will tell the story. Please do not underestimate the effects of stress. Stress is highly correlated to the risk of cardiovascular disease.[i] Recognize the effect the relationship is having upon you and your walk with God. Listen in on the disagreements that continue to resurface and resurface without resolution. Perpetual problems may reveal a lack of empathy and personal responsibility that are tall tell signs of an unhealthy relationship. Believe it or not, the Bible speaks of toxic relationships and its damage to everyone around it. Think of King Saul in 1 Samuel 18 and see the damage to himself, his family and his kingdom because of his toxic behaviors. Here is a quick Bible study for you. Take some time to explore these Scriptures that appear to instruct us on how to deal with unhealthy relationships: 1 Corinthians 15:33, Proverbs 13:20, Psalm 1:1, Proverbs 6:27, 1 Corinthians 5:11, 1 John 4:1, Amos 3:3.

  Please leave your comments or questions after reading today’s blog.  More Radical Adjustments will be shared in later posts.

Excerpts taken from “The End of Forever” – a book written by Phyllis McColister to encourage, educate and empower divorced and separated women to find restoration and healing in Christ, realizing their intrinsic value to His Kingdom.   Coming Soon!!!!

Visit again for more Christian Mental Health tips. Until then, remember your worth is far above rubies and learn to laugh without fear of the future (Proverbs 31:25).

[i] Steptoe A, Kivimäki M. Stress and cardiovascular disease. Nat Rev Cardiol. 2012 Apr 3;9(6):360-70. doi: 10.1038/nrcardio.2012.45. PMID: 22473079.


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