Relationship Busters

Selfishness & Pride

It is not breaking news that naturally our own opinions and ideas are relied upon as reality. But as Virtuous Sisters, we understand the need to daily surrender our thoughts and opinions to Jesus and allow the Holy Spirit to fill us with His wisdom instead.

This is especially helpful in relationships. While we cannot force others to submit to God in this way, we are expected as daughters of the Most High to guard against dangerous influences and ungodly strongholds to distract us from our spiritual goals and way of life. Selfishness and pride can keep us from allowing the Word of God to work in our lives. Even so, selfishness and pride of our partners can create significant barriers for us as well.

My message to my Virtuous Sisters today is “Boundaries are Blessings”

Setting Boundaries:

In the Christian realm, boundaries are considered negative or even ungodly.  But, reading Psalm 101:7 where God, Himself, set boundaries: “No one who practices deceit will dwell in my house; no one who speaks falsely will stand in my presence”.  Clearly, we see God is determining who dwells in his house and who can stand in His presence and the boundary is set against those who practice deceit and speaks falsely.  If boundaries are good enough for God, then they are good enough for us.  The first order of recovery for me included setting a boundary of marital separation to begin the healing process in my life.  You may also find it necessary to remove yourself from the destructiveness of your relationship long enough to gain perspective and clarity. 

Sharon Adler shares the following list of reasons people don’t set healthy boundaries:   

• Fear of what others think
• Assuming others will be mad
• Thinking it’s not that important
• Not wanting the hassle
• Wanting to avoid conflict
• Preferring to go with the flow
• Fear of being seen as selfish or unforgiving Fear of being alone[1]

Whatever your fear, please allow the Holy Spirit of our Living God to direct your footsteps as He did mine.  Believe it or not, God cares about emotional abuse in marriage.  The church may not be ready to deal with it but God has already set forth in His word that “oppression” of any kind is ungodly and unacceptable.   Proverbs 14:7 Go from the presence of a foolish man, when you do not perceive in him the lips of knowledge.

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[1] Alder, Shannon L.. The Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Bible: Spiritual Recovery from Narcissistic and Emotional Abuse (p. 145). Cedar Fort, Inc.

Excerpts taken from “The End of Forever” – a book written by Phyllis McColister to encourage, educate and empower divorced and separated women to find restoration and healing in Christ, realizing their intrinsic value to His Kingdom.   Coming Soon!!!!

Visit again for more Christian Mental Health tips. Until then, remember your worth is far above rubies and learn to laugh without fear of the future (Proverbs 31:25).